Following the promises of no council tax rises by local MP Michael Fabricant it seems that cuts are being made to avoid any increases. The axe is first to fall on the local Burntwood Recycling Centre, which is used by many regularly.

Burntwood residents are signing petitions to try and stop the decision to close this excellent facility, although the local authorities are advising people to “sod off and use Cannock instead”. We spoke to John Cummings, as he visited the local “tip” and he had this to say..

“Have you been to Cannock Tip on a weekend ? There’s usually a queue of traffic parked around the island there, and even if there isn’t you’re bound to find an over-turned lorry. It’s mayhem at the best of times, but if you’re clearing out your loft or digging out the garden you may have to make several trips – that’s not too bad with the current local tip, but to travel to Cannock will take much longer. We’ve got roughly the same population as Lichfield, so how come we’re always first to have services cut?”

Meanwhile, some are suggesting an alternative place to dump rubbish. Mike Smith, who wishes not to be named, stated that..

“Just dump your rubbish behind Morrisons. That patch of land has been fenced off for about 10 years now and I doubt it’ll ever get developed on. Job done”

Lichfield District Council have been attending local restaurants and cafes to ensure that they comply with food safety standards. Popular local restaurant Aashiqs, has just been rated and has received no stars out of a possible 5. It also received several “hazard points” for being generally rubbish.

The full report, which is available for download here, details several items for immediate attention, such as not properly cleaning the kitchen, having blocked pipes, no soap by the hand-wash basin and keeping utensils stored in the sink.

In addition, the report also details broken knives, dirty and damaged chopping boards, dirty cloths, no sinks in the staff toilets, onions stored in a garage and a generally dirty kitchen and store room.

We spoke to a regular diner, who told us..

“I’ve been going to Aasiqs for some time and I’ve never had any problems”.

Mr Smith is currently being treated in the Samuel Johnson Hospital in Lichfield for Food Poisoning.

Burntwood, along with every other village, town and city in the UK, has today appeared on Google Street View. Many neighbourhood watch and general nosey people have applauded the launch, with Mrs Biggins stating telling us…

“I absolutely love it. I can have a good ‘old nose around into my neighbours houses. You know her from number 54? She’s got that flock wallpaper in her front room, and I had a look at the milkmans house – guess who was parked on his drive ? Yep, that dirty mare from number 37. She’s been having it away with him for some time now because those photos on Google are from last summer. Mucky bugger.”

We have also been contacted by many other local residents who also appreciate the new Google Street View system, albeit for more desirable reasons. Mr Fly told us..

“I love it. I can see the local Tesco and I can travel back in time to see how Morrisons used to look and one of our many ex-pubs. Plus, I can have a good ‘old nose at the neighbours too.”

Burntwood tax payers may find themselves out-of-pocket following issues with the dam at Chasewater. The costs to repair the dam have been set at £2.5 million, and our earlier story has already detailed some of the opinions of local residents who state that it should be done no matter what the cost.

However, we’ve been in contact with the “Go away dam. Damn you. Action Group”, who believe that the costs are simply too high and residents should receive support from the Government. Campaign Manager, Mr Soft, told us…

“Have you been to Chasewater recently? They’re draining it. There’ll be no water left soon. In my mind, that’s the problem sorted.”

However, many residents and local groups use Chasewater for water sports and boating. The lack of a local pool would remove a precious local park and a popular attraction, not to mention the supply of water to local canals. When challenged Mr Soft stated that..

“Go up the A5 and there’s a reservoir at junction 12 if you want to splash about in the water. I say let’s drain it, take all those old World War II bombs out and drop a few on the rough bits of Brownhills. We could then build a raceway or something similar. Come on, imagine it – instead of the Daytona 500 we could have the Burntwood 500. It’d be like Hednesford Raceway, but with more popcorn and lots of beer. Beer is key. You can never have too much beer. Lovely lovely beer. Down into my belly.. down it goes.”

Mr Soft exclusively revealed plans to build the raceway after his company was approached by the owners of a local toll motorway.

“I decided to head up the campaign group initially because of the extra cost to our local council, but recently I’ve been approached by a third party who are interested in buying the site after it’s drained. They’ve apparently got pots of money from a toll road operation, but I can’t reveal more than that. Once the raceway is built we’ll be charging the race-car drivers for each lap though, so they’ll each have a tag in their cars. We’ll be f***in minted.”

Barney Rubble, spokesperson for the local “Get the ruddy dam fixed” campaign has been in contact with The Burntwood Blog to point out that repairs to the Chasewater dam won’t actually cost that much.

“Are you all mental?”, said Barney, “Here’s the facts. It’s going to cost £2.5 million to fix the Chasewater dam. Right? That’s a fact. Here’s another fact – there’s 40,000 tax payers locally. Right? Fact. Do the maths. Go on. If we divide 40,000 people into the £2.5 million we need then it’s £62.50 each.”

We challenged Barney, suggesting that a further increase in council tax would not bode well with voters. He responded by saying…

“What would you rather have eh? The council tax usually increases each year anyway. An extra £62.50 per year is about £1.20 per week. I’d rather pay that and stop my house from flooding personally. Heck, round it up to £2 per week extra and we could even build a nice bowling alley behind Morrisons or something.”

We’ve had a comment from someone purporting to be Local Councillor Doris English in our comments section. It’s in response to this news item. The item we published stated that her campaign, which warned of bruised ankles caused by cripples in wheelchairs, was perhaps a little misguided.

She has posted the following response..

“Who is crazy? The idiot who wrote that nonsense. Is it Libel shall I sue?”

First of all, we’d like to apologise for using free speech and we would like to point to our painfully obvious writing style. We would also like to point out that we didn’t mis-quote you.

Midland Expressway Limited have announced new prices for the M6 Toll, which runs through Burntwood and bypasses the congested sections of the M6. New toll prices mean that cars will need to pay £5 on the main toll plazas, with trucks paying £10. The M6 Toll are keen to point out that drivers will earn a whacking 5% discount each trip if they have a tag – a corking 25p. We spoke to an M6 Toll customer as he approached the Burntwood junction..

“It’s still a good deal. I’ve got a tag and you avoid all the traffic and.. wait, what did you say. A fiver ? Are they mad? Let me see now, I have to pay £1 per month for this tag thing, and they give me a 25p discount every time I go through a booth? I only use it once a week. Crap. I’ve totally ballsed this one up.”

Head of communications at the M6 Toll, Mr Peter Wifflebottom, told us that there was a freeze on prices during nights, local booths and weekends. He also stated..

“The Directors here were running a bit short on cash. Jeffrey had to cut back on the gold plating for his toilet last week, so we decided to whack the prices up again.”

When The Burntwood Blog asked why prices were still being increased while the financial climate remained gloomy, Peter stated..

“Ahh f**k them. We’ve got everyone over a barrel basically, just bend over and take it. It’s a fiver a day, so if you used it for.. say, 50 weeks of the year, that’ll be two and a half GRAND from one person! Ha! Result! TWO AND A HALF FECKIN GRAND !”

Mark Jones, a regular user of the toll, told us..

“It’s either get up early, sit in traffic for 2 hours, or pay these crooks a fiver and sink down in my seat knowing that I’m being robbed blind for every passing mile. I wouldn’t mind so much, but I go north from T6 – that’s about a pound a mile!”

For more information, read the M6 Toll news release.

Local Councillor Doris English has been sectioned under the mental health act after trying to gain support for her “bruised ankles” campaign. Doris English, who is Councillor for St Johns Ward in Lichfield on both City and District Council, was taken away in a van following this press report at the weekend.

Writing in her blog recently she stated that..

“I am fully aware of problems when a mobility scooter causes injury. I have had my ankles knocked.”

Fears for her sanity were first raised when she stated that disabled owners should apply for insurance before owning one and that they, “travel at up to 8 WHOLE MILES PER HOUR!!” She also caused distress by stating that one mobility scooter owner was “swinging around and whooping for joy”. Many have questioned why she would make these claims when she is currently Chairman of the Disability Partnership Panel.

John Smedley, Director of Disability UK, told us..

“The crazy old woman needs to step down. Some disabled people do whoop and swing around – that’s usually part of their disability. She wants to sort out her priorities a bit. She’s moaning about her bruised ankle? The guy that accidently knocked into her was a double amputee. She’s got no reason to complain.”

We spoke to a disabled mobility scooter owner in Lichfield. He told us..

“Have you tried driving round one of these ? Shops are designed for people with legs, and on Saturdays there’s thousands of people in Lichfield town centre. I’m bound to bump into one or two people, it doesn’t mean I’m a reckless boy-racer does it?”

Another scooter owner told us..

“I’ve got a little more than a chuffin’ bruised ankle. What planet is this woman on? She’ll be accusing fire alarms of making too much noise next!”

Speaking on behalf of Staffordshire NHS Mental Health Unit, Geoff Cuku told us..

“It’s the most severe case of insanity we’ve ever seen. She’s currently in our new “ex-MP and local Councillor” ward. We’ve seen a marked increase in admissions from Government workers”

Doris English pictured below..